Top 10: Ways To Become A Better Man

One of the biggest mistakes guys make is being blind to the fact that “the man” you are has a bigger impact on your success with women than anything else. It’s not pickup lines or fancy clothes or losing a few pounds. Who you really are -- on the inside -- plays a bigger role in your dating life than any of those superficial fixes.

Check out these 10 tips on ways to become a better man -- the kind of man women are naturally attracted to.

No.10 Learn to identify social status

Learn to see little cues that tell you the “social status” of people around you. For example, a person of high status may seem a bit distracted when he’s talking to someone, while a person of lower status will be giving him 100% of this attention. Or, it’ll be clear to you who has the higher status when you see a man and a woman out on a date and the woman is standing there with her arms crossed and the man has open body language and is smiling.

Look at groups of people and try to see who has the status. Why? Because when you go into a situation where group dynamics are happening, you’re going to want to quickly identify who the person of high status is -- the person with the most power -- and connect with them. You’ll also want to behave like a person of high status, so when you’re communicating with important people they don’t simply blow you off.

No.9 See your self-deception habits

We all play games with ourselves. We avoid seeing some things because they’re too painful. To become a better man, become an expert on your own self-deception habits. Daniel Goldman, the author of Emotional Intelligence, says that one reason self-deception is such a freak show is because the process covers its own tracks. So, when you have one of those rare moments when you actually notice yourself deceiving yourself, grab that moment, work it through and get the lesson. Do this over and over again and you’ll take your personal development to the next level.

No.8 Balance learning and doing

In my live programs, some guys will come up to me and say something like: “You teach this idea, but here’s a reason why I think it won’t work.” When someone says this to me, I instantly know that he has never actually tried the idea he’s talking about. If you want to know if an idea works, don’t just study it -- go out and do it. Other guys whine that they’ve tried something a thousand times and it doesn’t work. But have they studied different ways of doing it? No. These guys are all about doing, but no learning. They’re all execution with no theory. You need both. If you’re running into a problem, it’s probably because you’re putting too much focus on one theory and not the others.

No.7 Constantly improve yourself

This is an idea I got from W. Edwards Deming, one of the most influential productivity experts of all time. Continually work to improve everything you do and every part of yourself. You’ll find the people in life that are always working to improve are the ones who have massive success, both in women and life. Get rid of this idea that someday you’ll “arrive,” that you’ll be the perfect person and you won’t have any room to improve. Be open to growth and never-ending improvement.

No.6 Stop projecting your weaknesses onto others

If you want to find your issues really fast, make a list of all the characteristics you hate in other people. Then make a list of all the characteristics you admire in other people. Hold up the two lists in front of you; the ones you hate the most are most likely the ones you hate the most about yourself, and the ones you admire the most are ones you’re not giving yourself permission to develop. Work on replacing the characteristics you don’t like, and let yourself develop the ones that will take your life to the next level.

No.5 Eliminate bad habits – get better ones

Habits are like rivers: The more water runs through it, the deeper it carves over time, until you have things like the Grand Canyon. Do you think it’s easier to change course when the river is new or millions of years old? My point here is that habits you’ve had for a while are more difficult to uproot. When you can break the “habit” of not letting negative habits take root and start forming positive habits instead, you’ll see huge improvements in your life.

No.4 Know when you’re out of control

Whenever you sense that you’re losing your grip, just stop. Don’t judge yourself. Don’t get down on yourself. Don’t make yourself a victim. Just stop -- and reflect. Don’t force yourself to try to take control back because that’ll just make things worse. Instead, just stop and get some space. Spend some time alone, meditate, do something that distracts you. Then come back when you’re ready. An out-of-control guy isn’t the kind of guy who attracts women or lives a fulfilling life.

No.3 Make your territory yours

One great factory feature we humans come with is the idea of being territorial. It means you have a certain physical space that is your area, and you don’t like others intruding. In modern times, this territorial nature doesn’t get to express itself in healthy ways. Here’s one solution: Figure out how you can make the space you live in your territory -- how you can make it uniquely yours -- so that when you get pressure from the outside and need a place to chill, you have a place that you want to go to. As soon as you walk in the door, you can already feel yourself relaxing and feeling “at home.”

But protect your territory. If someone comes in and does anything unacceptable to you, say: “Stop for a sec; I think it’s better if you go right now. I don’t like it when that kind of thing happens inside my space. Why don’t you go right now and we’ll pick this up another time.” Make your territory yours. Own it. Women will respect you for it too.

No.2 Lead

Having spent some years trying to figure out how to lead, I’ve learned that what’s interesting about leading is all the “counterintuitive” aspects of it. Less experienced people think leadership is about controlling other people, but what I’ve found is that effective leadership is actually finding people with high potential and then supporting their own achievement. Even if you don’t want to be a “leader,” it’s still important to study it and learn how to do it -- so when the situation calls, you can pull the skill up and use it. In life, when a crisis comes up people look around to see who’s going to grab the ball and lead everyone to safety. Learn how to be that guy. (By the way, women are naturally attracted to guys who lead.)

No.1 Stop idealizing women

A very common mistake men make when interacting with women is to put on a pair of glasses that helps them say: “I will endure anything she says, I’ll overlook any flaw, if it means I can get one step closer to having sex with her.” When you’re interacting with a woman, stop idealizing her. Stop putting a halo around her head. Why? Because if you idealize her and fail to recognize all the cues about how she really is, you’re going to get yourself in a heap of trouble. You’ll be in love with someone who is deeply flawed and you missed it because you lied to yourself. Stop idealizing. When you meet a woman that seems perfect, hear the warning in your head that says “Stop Idealizing!” It can make a huge difference in how fulfilling your life is.

For more great tips on becoming the man you were born to be, attracting women and taking things to a "physical" level smoothly, be sure to sign up for my free Dating Secrets Newsletter. It’s jam-packed with dozens and dozens of specific strategies you can start using tonight to get more dates. 

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