most common sexual problems a man can have, but it’s
also one of the most misunderstood. As I mentioned
earlier, most of us have occasionally ejaculated during
intercourse sooner than we would like. That can
be frustrating, but it isn’t true PE. If you consistently
ejaculate too soon, however, you could have PE.
To understand more about PE, you first need to understand
how your body and the ejaculation process work.
You might imagine that ejaculation—the release of
seminal fluid from your body—is limited to your penis,
testicles, and other reproductive organs, but you’d
be wrong. In fact, your nervous system plays a key role.
Some parts of sexual arousal fall within parasympathetic
nervous system responses and other processes
fall within sympathetic. The sympathetic nervous system
controls your body’s stress-related functions like
the “fight or flight” response, which allowed your caveman
ancestors to battle or escape dangerous predators.
(These days, you’re more likely to rely on your fightor-
flight response before a big meeting with your
boss.) Your parasympathetic nervous system controls
your “rest and digest” response—lower blood pressure,
a slower heartbeat, and other functions related to
relaxation.
The process begins when you’re sexually aroused,
often—but not always—from the direct physical stimulation
of your penis during touching, rubbing, oral
sex, or intercourse, for example. Your brain responds
by sending signals to your lower spinal cord. You get
an erection, thanks to your parasympathetic nervous
system. As a result, the muscles in your prostate gland,
seminal vesicles (both of which produce seminal
fluid), and vas deferens (the tube that connects the
testicles to the urethra) contract rhythmically, moving
semen through those glands and the urethra and out
of your body, a process controlled by the sympathetic
nervous system. An orgasm is the sensation of pleasure
you feel during ejaculation.
PE occurs when this process takes place earlier than
you and your partner would like on a consistent basis.
There’s been a lot of disagreement in the medical
community about how we should define PE. But the
latest, most widely accepted definition—from the
International Society for Sexual Medicine (ISSM)—
says that PE is “a male sexual dysfunction characterized
The Good in Bed Guide to Overcoming Premature Ejaculation 21
by ejaculation that always or nearly always occurs prior
to or within about one minute of vaginal penetration;
inability to delay ejaculation on all or nearly all vaginal
penetrations; and negative personal consequences,
such as distress, bother, frustration and/or the avoidance
of sexual intimacy.”
Although more studies are needed, research suggests
that this new definition of PE may affect about 30
percent of men at some point in our lives. Personally,
I think the percentage of men grappling with PE, especially
under the age of 40, is higher than 30 percent.
When you consider the historical confusion over a
clear definition of PE, the shame and reluctance of
many men to identify themselves as having PE, and
the fact that there are many women who are willing
to fake orgasm in order to spare their partners the
embarrassment of dealing with PE and sexual failure,
it’s reasonable to say that we’ve only touched the tip of
the iceberg in terms of understanding the full impact
of PE on men and their partners.
